EF #8 I Miss You

#nowplaying: Youth by Daughter

You have passed hard times in junior school. Your achievement was satisfying but Dad wanted you to continue your high school in a boarding school. I remember that you can not handle it, you’re so against that idea. You’re afraid of losing what you’ve already had: friends, your crush, and youth. You cried so hard when you told Dad that you’re not ready,  you’ll never be. You opposed his plan, challenged him that you can do all the administrative process on applying high school. That you won’t be a burden to him. And you’ve done it.

It’s not that you’re really on yourself alone, you had his help. You’ve also paid your education by having scholarship. Three years scholarship, not a full scholarship but still, you’ve proved him that you’re capable to be independent. You’ve proved him that your decision to continue your high-school in Jakarta was not something to worry about.

You were 15-year-old and a half, sat in tenth grade and everything seemed new to you but you’ve enjoyed it. You’re cheerful, your friends were nice, your teachers were kind to you, you’ve developed a crush for a senior, your days were wonderful. When I thought about it, your teenage life was so colorful.

You know, Ziyy, I’m glad that you have a nice memory of high-school. Because once you’re a grown-up, everything would not seem so easy. Everything. Responsibility is everywhere. You have to choose wise –full measure, unless you want yourself to fail. Don’t misunderstand me, failure is not so bad. You’ll learn from it. But to raise again; to grip your spirit again, to keep up your vision of future so it’ll at least be as high as you have before, that’s when it’s tricky. That’s when you have to be careful.

However, I thank you. For being fearless and hopeful about the unknown tomorrows. For being faithful to yourself, of your ability, as if no one or nothing can defeat you. It was brilliant years you had and I know I’m lucky to have you experienced that. And as I recall that time, recall myself, recall my 15 y.o self –you, I can’t help myself but wanting your restless spirit of youth.

I miss you, 15 y.o Ziyy. I’m sorry that I’m no better than you but I hope you still believe that I could make everything back to okay. I hope you’ll forgive me, now that you see that I’m a late-bloomer. Sorry to disappoint you and … wish me better days. 🙂



25 y.o Ziyy


3 thoughts on “EF #8 I Miss You

  1. I think so, too. Senior high school’s time was indeed, the best of all. Not regretting it is such a treasure; a treasure that is irreplaceable.
    Wish you better days ahead 🙂

  2. I can feel your spirit, Mbak Ziyy, and I believe that you still have that spirit now 🙂 I always admire fearless people who dare to take the risk, since I am quite far from that 🙂

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