[FFL] Laws of Love: a Lecture from Sh. Omar Suleiman

This video contain speech about marriages. We may choose beauty, weatlh, status, but still the basis or the essencial needed (of marriage) is the faith or the deen. Beside the deen, another important thing that mention by Prophet shalallahu ‘alaihi wasallam was the khuluq. We may say it the character.

In this part of his speech, Sh. Omar pending the marriage theme on this speech and start talking about the definition of khuluq. Tahu doa saat bercermin kan? Yang bunyinya:

Allahumma hasanta kholqi fahassin khuluqi

O Allah, just as You have made my external features beautiful, make my character beautiful as well.

From that dua, he related it to the definition of khuluq. That khuluq is literarrily means ‘inner beauty’.

Faith is the basis. But Prophet shalallahu ‘alaihi wasallam mention other intangibe thing which is so important. What is that? Its khuluq, characters.

Sh. Omar Suleiman.

Dalam sebuah hadist, garis besarnya saja. Ada seorang yang ibadahnya sangat fasih. Shalatnya, puasanya, qiyamnya. Semuanya, secara outer appearance, begitu sempurna. No one can deny. But then, he/she was abusive to the neighborhood. Prophet salallahu ‘alaihi wasallam said that this person will go to Naar, this person deserve the Hell fire.

Pelajaran yang bisa kita petik?

If the deen didn’t translate to inner beauty and if the inner beauty didn’t translate into a good behave, a good character and good action, then the deen was just ‘a front’. All of that wasn’t real. All of that was supervicial. All of that was just puting a pretty face to a very ugly relationship with the Creator.

–Sh. Omar Suleiman.

Another point that should be noted by us, its still around khuluq explaination:


In the Mizan, if you’re a bad character one, not only they (people you harmed) took your good deeds untill you runs out of everything, they’ll also put their sins into you. This kind of people, prophet shalallahu ‘alaihi wassalam called them ‘muflis’. A person who completely bankcrupt

–Sh. Omar Suleiman.

Now, friends, may we continue Sh. Omar speech about marriage again? 😀

As we mention before, the basis in choosing partner of marriage is faith. Other factors are, maybe, beauty, wealth, or the status. Here, lets see its concept of that factors and basis, according from what have been explained by Sh. Omar in this video.

Is it permissable to marry someone for their beauty? Yes it is.

Is it permissable to marry someone for their wealth? Yes it is.

It is permissable to marry someone for their status? Yes it is.

But, is it wise? No.

Are these ingredients for a long lasting-happy-fruitful marriage? No.

Can they be the factors? Yes.

But are should they be the basis of what could become a fruitful marriage? Absolutey not.

Because these are things that supervicial in their nature.

They, just, can be the compliment to the basis which is the Deen.

But friends, naturally the attraction component in the arranged marriage is stiil need, indeed. Yes, there should be an element of attraction, there is no doubt about that. Thats why, the prophet salallahu ‘alaihi wasallam advice a young man whom about to get married to go look at her partner first. Its natural, because we’re about to sure ourself in choosing someone we will be together later on. Meanwhile, we should know clearly that beauty or wealth or status are things that supervicial. Those supervicial things will fall apart. So here is the meaning that the Deen we should put as the basis in marriage. Later on, when those supervicial things are really fal apart, the Deen and the Khuluq will hold the marriage.

You look for that person that wants to grow in the Deen. And if the priority is the Deen, if priority is Akhirah then you’ll see the incredibe things happen. You’ll see that, that relationship will be able to extended the trials and the other things. This is how the Deen works on marriage.

–Sh. Omar Suleiman.

Two people that are growing in the Deen, two people that are looking for something that cannot be given to them in this world but they know its guaranteed (their goal is whats in Akhirah). ..So long so other person is capable to get the other one closer to their goal, then that person is a valuable asset in life. We need that kind of person in our life when we’re start seeing marriage in that way.

Last, in this speech, Sh. Omar tells us the story about Abu Darda’ and Ummu Darda’. We might ever heard it before in other place that when Abu Darda’ was about to die, Ummu Darda’ ask him to ask Allah for her to be his wife in Akhirah. What a sweet scene. What a heart-tightened scene and the real-romantic ones. We may see that it was pragmatic because we can say sweet things in front of someone who about to die. But, when Abu Darda’ passed away, Ummu Darda’ has once get a proposal. A marriage proposal form Muawiyah ibn Abi Sufyan, the khalifatul mukminin in that time. So whast her response? She said, “ I can not marry you. Because i already engaged with Abu Darda’ in Jannah.”

See, this story is what we hope would also become our story with our partner of life. That we are existed as partner in the Dunya and also a partner in the Akhirah.

Last, ending this speech, Sh. Omar remind us that the marriage is not just about partner life but also about getting, about having a good generation come from us, come from our marriage. So, dont forget to always make the Dua, “Rabbanaa hablanaa min azwajinaa, wa dzurriyatinaa qurrata a’yun, waj’alna lil muttaqiinaa imama.”

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